you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
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