I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
