i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
