i was rollin on her like bob the builder
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
