So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
