The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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