k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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