420 ftw
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
