If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He? As in you personified your dick?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
