what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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