I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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