I want to make a zoo with you.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
