Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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