I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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