Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
