My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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