those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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