Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Just invented taco cereal.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Success! We fucked roommates!
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
