Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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