I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
