so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
