3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
