College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
