You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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