i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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