have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
