Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
the liver wants what the liver wants
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
