he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
