Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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