Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
