worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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