Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
