absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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