this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
