The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
