What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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