i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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