Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
