I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
