On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
