I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
