So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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