just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Randomize
