My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
