How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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