I'm drive I can fine osifer
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
