i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Green mimosas i think yes
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Randomize
