Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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