I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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