So drunk its hurt
I want to have your abortion
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Randomize
