Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
