bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
