I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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