I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
