For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
