i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
